19 years ago, my mom hired a helper to keep my grandmother company while we went to work. My grandmother has been alone at home since my grandfather died, and despite knowing how independent my grandmother, we worried about her. They came and went until Bibik Any, the latest in a series of helpers that were hired.
She kept my grandmother company, followed her to the market, talked with her, read her newspapers because my grandmother was illiterate. Basically, she became my grandmother’s shadow. When my grandmother suffered a stroke that left her bed-bound, we were thankful that Bibik continued her contract and became Nenek’s care giver when we weren’t home.
When my grandmother passed away in 2013, Bibik decided to stay on. Bibik cooked like Nenek, because Nenek trained her. We could always count on her to make something that would remind us of Nenek. She’s seen me and my sisters through all our different life stages. She became family
I am very grateful because she became one of my support pillars when I had my children. She was there helping me care for my kids during my confinement period, and when I went back to work and couldn’t put the kids into a care centre yet, or when my husband and I couldn’t take leave when the kids were sick. Both my kids are understandably very close to her.
So when I bought book series called The Invisible People, to add to our conversation about our community heroes. My daughter saw the one about the airport and she immediately wanted to read that.
That night, we read the book.
We read about how the helper was introduced into the family.
How she was not treated well by the family (which I found problematic but it was a good opportunity to talk to my daughter about how to treat people).
How the family learnt to accept the helper, and help her to ‘upskill’ so that she can create a better life when she goes home.
And we read about how the girl in the book felt when the Aunty went home. Both my daughter and I cried at the ending, because we were both thinking how much we will miss Bibik when she goes home eventually.
My daughter was crying and saying, “I don’t want Bibik to go home! I don’t want Bibik to go home!” And I felt the same way. I told her that Bibik is not going home yet but she will, eventually. She misses her family, and she gave up the years of her son growing up to take care of us.
I don’t know if my daughter truly understands it but it’s something that we will revisit again when the time comes.
So both my daughter and I don’t want Bibik to go home, but I know it’s an eventuality.
Have you ever gotten attached to your helper who became family? That it’s hard to see them go? How do you deal with that, especially with young kids?
Minty Mint Tea 